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| xanga has treated me well in bearing with the messiness of my thoughts, but it was time for a change.
so i've moved.
i do hope you'll visit.
and i pray you recognize yourself in the midst of an amazing love story authored by Jesus.
http://banneroverhead.blogspot.com
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| I'll admit that I feel at least 37% lame for reposting an old blog again, because in essence, I am quoting myself. Thankfully, it was never my wisdom to begin with.
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"...we never lay hold of our nothingness before God, and consequently, we never enter into the deepest reality of our relationship with Him. But when we accept ownership of our powerlessness and helplessness, when we acknowledge that we are paupers at the door of God's mercy, then God can make something beautiful out of us."
-Brennan Manning "The Ragamuffin Gospel"
Dear Self,
Quit putting on a show. Quit orchestrating your words to please an audience. Quit drifting meaninglessly. Quit wearing your self-righteous badge. Quit justifying. Quit looking for reassurance. Quit seeking praise. Quit your agenda. Quit doubting. Quit planning. Quit being stubborn. Quit acting. Quit wasting time. Quit the sidelines. Quit oversleeping. Quit overthinking. Quit underestimating. Quit undermining. Quit living in the past. Quit living in the future. Quit ignoring the present. Quit fading. Quit being prideful. Quit hiding. Quit being self-conscious. Quit aiming to please. Quit running. Quit retreating. Quit power. Quit judging. Quit marrying the background. Quit fantasizing. Quit standing still. Quit shifting your eyes. Quit relaxing. Quit lying to yourself. Quit holding on. Quit letting go. Quit battling love. Quit jumping aboard. Quit saying yes. Quit saying no. Quit controlling. Quit walking alone. Quit rationalizing. Quit convincing. Quit leaving. Quit defining. Quit watching. Quit fearing.
Quit being of this world.
Quit to self.
Start in Him.
Start listening intently.
Start loving irrationally.
Start living intentionally.
His truly,
you
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| Love.
It has quickly become an amazing theme in the Lord's transformational movement in my heart these last few weeks. I was driving home from work and randomly thought of this post from an old blog:
[February 20, 2006]
"Human love will always be a faint shadow of God's love. Not because it is too sugary or sentimental but simply because it can never compare from whence it comes. Human love with all its passion and emotion is a thin echo of the passion/emotion love of Yahweh."
-Brennan Manning
So true. So very true. Yet why won't this truth travel from my mind to my heart? I've always labeled myself as a hopeless romantic. Hopeless indeed. Where does this term come from? Is romance itself hopeless? Or are those who seek it inevitably hopeless? I can't help but think that neither is true. What are we seeking to fill within us? If it's the desire for romance, then I say go for it! But, where? This is where my past and my present lives conflict with each other. Where, you say? True romance lies only within the heart of "the one." The one who produces stomach butterflies, the one who can speak endlessly without words, the one who will always run after you, especially in an airport.
Why, he's your movie-man come true! He's first rate, the perfect date, and your one and only soul mate. Wedding bells, honeymoon, crying babies, graduation, more wedding bells, more crying babies, retirement. End. Roll credits. {insert "Titanic" theme here}.
Then what?
If this is all we live for, then this truly is, all we live for. The end.
I've got a hunch that there's much more to life than this. Romance? Surely it's more than butterflies and wedding bells, honeymoons and crying babies. So, what's it all about? And where am I going with all of this?
I was watching "Say Anything" a few nights ago and I began to notice the old, familiar butterflies surfacing during certain points of the movie. Suddenly, I had become another character in the film. As I stood by watching this classic tale of movie-romance unfold, I could feel everything that they felt--the excitement, the pain, the heartbreak, the longing, the undying flame, the forgiveness. Movies like this never fail to tickle the heart strings of a "hopeless romantic" like myself. Yet, there is one part of this movie that I have always failed to understand. It is, quite possibly the most popular, widely recognized scene in the movie. In fact, I do believe Peter Gabriel has a few things to say about it:
In your eyes
The light, the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes...
That's right. I'm talking about the boombox. Such a public display of heartfelt devotion is certainly not commonplace in the Joe-Shmoe world we live in, so naturally us hopeless romantics thrive on such a scene. Why, then does she simply turn her back to the window? What girl (in her right mind) would deny such a bold statement of affection? What guy (in his right mind) would stand there tirelessly professing his love for the apple of his eye? Psshhh...yet another example of this unrealistic movie-love that we hopelessly dream of. Or is it?
I know of such a relationship. In fact, I can't help but think that God has His own boombox. Perhaps Peter Gabriel isn't His artist of choice, but I think that He's also tirelessly playing a love song for each of us. He stands outside of the window to our hearts, boldly declaring his undying love for us. Yet sadly, most of us choose to turn our backs to the window just as Diane Court did. Instead, we stubbornly wait to be cast in a movie-love of our own. We pass up the romance of a lifetime for the chance to participate in the idealized romance that we've concocted in our minds. As Brennan Manning so brilliantly noted, "Human love will always be a faint shadow of God's love....simply because it can never compare from whence it comes." How can we attempt to share love with someone else if we have yet to experience it from its origin? Long for romance? Allow God to romance you. Where better to experience love than Love itself? Coming from the heart of a truly hopeless romantic....go to the Source. Don't rely upon the distant promises of a cheesy movie-love to satisfy that longing in your heart. Instead, let the love of God fill your heart beyond imagination. The rest, my friend, is just details.
"...And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ..."
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May we first seek to know and love the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul and strength.
Then may the love we have for each other be an outpouring of His great love within us.
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| Is there a "right way" to suddenly show up on the blogoscope after months of silence? I suspect the process is very stealth. Hmm...of which I am not. Awkward beginnings it is.
Transition
of school.
of home.
of focus.
of passion.
of heart.
of love.
of life.
Many months have lent to many such things. I find that the more that I become a student to life, to the One behind it, the less that I am content with mere observation. A restlessness devoid of exact designation continues to well up within me, but I wait. And wait.
For what, I am uncertain.
For Who, I am quite sure of.
[Titus 2:11-13]
That is to say that my Spirit longs for a pursuit of reckless abandon.
Shall I wait on reason? On my revolving door of desires?
[Romans 8:22-27]
Groaning indeed.
I seek to wait eagerly, to wait actively. To wait actively? [Psalm 37:3-7] For the Lord does not desire a sitting duck and my heart longs for a fully surrendered pursuit.
My thoughts feel scattered and I blame it on the 4:48 AMness of the moment.
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Once again, I pledged the majority of my normal person hours to Barnes (& Noble) today. There's just something indefinably suitable about the environment of the café there. It's quickly becoming my intellectual Walden. Consequently, I have started take notice to the unspoken relationships that develop after sharing a few hours with the same nameless others. {(namelessness: a consequence of said waiting)}
There is a man whose belongings require the entirety of a table for four. The weathering of age declares him a seasoned teacher, while his youthful fervor suggests a second-go at a long yearned for education. I'm unsettled yet content in that mystery. This man has no interest in conversations of the eye, in a brief smile or a knowing nod. A tall cup of brewed unknown dutifully rests within reach and my curious gaze is of no consequence to him. He has unwittingly secured a home in my thoughts, nameless yet distinct.
An endearing pair of teens share a cozy table for two as their stargazed eyes pretend to absorb the whatever magazines rest before them. Beneath the small table, they share awkward hands and jumbled knees. Beneath the surface, they share hurried hopes and fleeting feelings. I smile for them. And I miss awkward hands.
At the rounded table beside my own is an unlikely pair of whose equation I am uncertain. The tabletop is brimming with scattered pages and books ajar in stacks and solos. The guy, patient and still, waits for her attention. They clearly have an agenda on hand and he prepared for its commencement. To my continued surprise, as minutes merge towards an hour, she ceases to abandon the accessory to her ear, clearly engaged in a consuming call. He waits for her. She seemingly has little regard for his presence. My unspoken involvement brews with irritation on his behalf. That is, until I catch my reflection in her.
How often do I come to meet with God divided?
How little do I lavish in His presence?
In His willingness to wait on me?
In His persistence?
In His pursuit?
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"...so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."
The act of being rooted and grounded in love does not bear division.
For the fullness of God is a fusion of permanence.
"In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace, which he lavished upon us, un all wisdom and insight, making known to us the mystery of His will, according to His purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in Him, things in heaven and things on earth."
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May it be as so in me.
And you.
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 i'm encouraged.
by things observed through a joy-enhanced life lens
by warm words spoken with heartfelt candor
by the Lord's sovereignty over the messiness of an unscripted life
...that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine.
[romans 1:12]
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